Things have really picked up since the last time I
posted. Last time I was not in very good
shape. Illustration’s final rejection
hit me really hard, and I couldn’t understand why that had to happen,
particularly when I had felt so sure it was what I wanted to do. I was at loss at what to do, and quite
honestly, did not want to touch another sketchbook in my life because it was
all just too depressing. I was
angry. I got very discouraged and
completely insecure about my talents.
Like, why did I have to waste all that time to practice and practice and
practice just to get rejected in the end?
Heck, what’s the point of me even going to college when I can’t even do
anything academic? Art and being creative was my thing, not being scholarly
smart. Or so I thought anyway.
Then when I felt the strong impression to try Animation, it
was an even harder pill to take. Why
should I try that when I couldn’t
even get into Illustration? I tried it
already, and I didn’t like it, and that was just the block class! Why should I even bother competing with
people who are clearly better than me in every way? I suck.
I frickin suck! No way am I going
anywhere near that, I kept telling myself.
But then after having that pity party I finally sucked it up and tried it,
because ultimately I knew it was right, even if I had no hope of getting
in.
And you know what?
Things got better. I mean I still
had to overcome quite a bit of obstacles.
It wasn’t easy. Some days I was
literally crippled by my own insecurities to even so much as touch my
sketchbook. In the days leading up the
deadline, and particularly on the day of, I was seriously on the verge of
having a panic attack because I was so stressed… which is very rare for me,
because I’m not an anxious person. There
were times, many times actually, where I kept telling myself and God that I
couldn’t do this, that I didn’t want
to go through this again, but in spite of that I pressed on, because I didn’t
want to completely give up either. I
knew I needed to go somewhere.
Because of that my drawing improved significantly in not
even six weeks, probably more so than it ever did in the year I was doing
Illustration (the Visual Arts Core is a joke to be quite honest) and I got to
learn some cool 3D skills as well. I had
two great professors who gave fantastic input on students’ work, and who really
helped me think about my drawing’s composition and rhythm. I’m still not quite there yet, obviously,
because I didn’t get into the program, but I don’t care about that anymore. It’s not about getting into things. You don’t need a degree to draw, and a degree
doesn’t really make you educated in and of itself. Stupid people get degrees all the time. One could read their entire textbook,
memorize all the key points, get A’s on all the tests, and still not learn
anything because they don’t have the right mindset about education. So am I gonna let some silly rejection, or desire
to have some art degree from a prestigious school attached to my name get in
the way of my real education? Am I
really learning anything by doing that?
Besides, do I really think I can’t do other things, or that
I’m not smart enough to take on Biology?
Because I am. And this Spring
term helped me realize that too, that I can do things, that I am smart, I am
talented, even if my skills might still be in the beginning stages. I can improve, and I can work. There are many things I could do, many things
I would enjoy doing actually. If I had
got into Animation, I would most definitely had enjoyed it and contributed
something. But the same thing is true
for Biology. I like Biology. And I can do it. I can even combine it with my art, because
for me it is the easiest to convert into visual and conceptual terms.
It was very humbling to go through this, and I am very
grateful for it, even for the days where I could hardly keep myself from just
curling up into a ball. More than
anything else, I am definitely able to take criticism and rejection a lot
better, whereas before I kind of felt entitled to get in because I felt it was my
divine path or something. Thankfully, that pride is gone. I now finally see that
there are greater things out there in the big picture than worrying about some
stupid application.
Ultimately, it was a refining process. I definitely needed it, and am definitely
grateful for it, because without it, I wouldn’t have gotten any sort of
inspiration to continue to aspire to do what I am about to lay forth next:
WEBCOMICS!!!
Yes, I’m being totally serious here. I may not be trying Animation again next
year, but I am definitely going to be making some web comics.
I don’t know when they will actually be launched. At the moment, it’s all in the concept stage,
and I want to be able to work on it as much as possible and get as much outside
criticism before I begin publishing.
Besides, my drawing skills are still pretty rough, so they need some
cleaning up. And I still need to learn
photoshop.
But the main one I am working on right now is what I’m
calling Misfit Unicorn. Again, it’s
still in the concept mode, and I’m kind of playing around with where it is
going to go… whether it’s a literal mutant unicorn, or merely some kind of
metaphorical embodiment of being a misfit that really has nothing to do with
unicorns per se… or both, it’s probably gonna be both…. But the title is also a
projection of myself. Sort of venting my
own frustrations about things if you will.
It might also end up being my pen name and/or the overall name of the
website I’ll be putting these comics on. I like having my stuff all
organized in one place… being in separate categories, but ultimately
originating from the same root to make finding things easier.
This will be good for me because I have all this energy
built up, some of it pretty negative, that I can’t really express in normal
interactions with people. I’m not
depressed or anything. I just think
about things a lot, and when you think about things a lot, they build up, and
like anyone else, I need an outlet to get things out.
Anyway, Misfit Unicorn!
It’s gonna be awesome! Right now,
the idea is something along the lines of this world where they raise
unicorns and use them in shows that are kind of like dog shows, but also combined with
fashion runways with all these rich people and stuff… and then one day, high in
the mountains where they raise these unicorns, one of the worker girls
discovers some alien egg meteor thing that had crashed in the woods, and out
pops this strange creature that has a unicorn horn but isn’t a unicorn.
Okay it sounds cliché, but did I mention that this comic
will also have DINOSAUR PEOPLE??? Yes, you heard me! DINOSAUR PEOPLE!!! Yeah, basically I’m just going to go all out
with this with awesome character designs, costumes, and environments! It will probably make more sense as I post
more artwork and work on the story some more, but yeah. That’s what I’ve got so far.
PICTURE!!!
Second idea: basically, it will be my study method come fall
when I start biology. A comical
adventure of what happens when you put an Art Major in the Science
Department. FREAKIN SCIENCE! I call
it. Be prepared for a lot of comical episodes
of mishap.
Okay I’m done. Peace
out! >:)
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