Some Afterthoughts and Ramblings

I am absolutely loving this three day weekend!  It gives me time to actually do things!  Like blog! :D

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for all the positive feedback and support after my last post.  I was honestly not expecting such a huge influx of readers.  Usually when I post things here, hardly anyone reads them besides a few regular followers, and I figured it would be much the same with this.  Then I logged on today to look at my stats and saw: 34 page views yesterday, and 101 today!  51 page views specifically for Adam, which I think is the most page views I've ever had for one post.  Holy cow...

Truth be told, some of that was not easy to post just from the nature of the topic and some of the personal things I put in there.  I've wanted to post about Adam for a while, because he is a huge part of who I am, and during the process I was like: "Yay!  I'm finally posting on my blog again, and better yet I'm finally gonna post about Adam! I'm so in the zone you guys!" However, I didn't fully feel how draining what I did was until after I finally went to bed somewhere around 3 am, and thought: "Oh crap, what the heck did I just do?  What are people gonna think?  Did I put too much in there?  Am I gonna scare them off?  Nobody's gonna wanna read this!"

Seriously, there were some pretty personal things I put in there and I wasn't sure how it would all come off.  The next morning I texted my mom before heading to church to tell her I made a post about Adam.  I didn't actually post the link on Facebook until after church, but she managed to find it, and she texted me while I was in Sacrament Meeting to say "That was incredibly beautiful.  Thank you soo much, I needed that.  You moved both your Dad and I to tears."

Then she posted it on her wall, and everyone kept saying the same thing.  That was beautiful, you are amazing, thank you for sharing this, etc.

I was not expecting such a quick response, and to receive so much feedback in so short a time is overwhelming.  I don't know what else to say besides, thank you all for reading, for your support and for your understanding.  I don't know how else I can express my gratitude for such a great outpouring of love.  So thank you all!

Since posting that and looking over these stats, my mind has been flooded with so many things.  I'm relieved in that now that I've written some things down publicly, I have a bit of a more structured way to think about Adam and approach things with him in the future, at the very least by reflecting back on them for when I need it.  But at the same time I'm also going, okay, I made a very poignant and important post, so.... now what?

I feel like that happens a lot when we hear, see or experience things that stand out to us.  In the moment are hearts are pricked, we gain a new understanding of something, and we are compelled to confess the things where we need to improve after having been reminded of these things.

Yet oftentimes, and I am certainly guilty of this as well, once the moment is over we forget again and revert back to doing exactly what we were doing before.  This is what has always bugged me about inspirational/anti-bullying assemblies in High School, and what continues to bug me sometimes when I see people post some kind of uber awesome thing from upworthy.com or whatever.  Yeah, okay, that's cool and all, but what are you gonna do about it?

I saw people in High School cry during an anti-bullying rally like a saved sinner at church, and then the very next day tease the awkward kid in class like nothing had happened.  In my own life, I've often come out of some super awesome sacrament meeting, or felt super pumped after General Conference, only to find myself saying or doing the very same things I told myself I wasn't going to do again.

It's easy to get caught up in the moment where everyone is feeling super righteous and emotional, but the thing that makes us actually grow are not how many tears you shed in those moments, but how well you are able to actually integrate those principles into your life-- to not only express but to ACT on them besides when it's convenient, or when everyone else is doing it.  To be able to do those things especially when it is hard, or especially when it is

We read a lot in the Book of Mormon about the Nephites relapsing over and over again into doing iniquity shortly after being chastised.  One moment they are universally covenanting with God that they will repent, look forward to the coming of the Savior, and keep His statutes, and then not many years later pride enters the church and very quickly wickedness spreads until finally they are destroyed.

It's ultimately one of those persisting questions that remains completely relevant to our day: Have you been truly converted?  After baptism and entering in by the way, is this the end?  Has all been done?  Or do we continue to endure, keeping the commandments, renewing our covenants each week, repenting of our sins as they come, humbling ourselves, improving where needs to be improved, strengthening our brethren, mourning with those who mourn, comforting those who stand in need of comfort, administering to the sick, clothing the naked, feeding the needy, etc?

Or are we just giving lip service because it feels good right now?

I guess that's something I want you and me to be able to take away from all of this, and future blog posts.  Do we really understand the full implications of what we're saying?  Are we actually going to apply these things into our daily lives?

Obviously we're not perfect, and there will always been moments where we slip or forget.  But the point is, it's those simple things where we can improve line upon line, precept upon precept that make all the difference, even if it might be refraining from saying one mean thing to someone if that is all you can do for the moment.

The thing we need to be telling ourselves after reading some cool, new inspirational article from Upworthy or whatever isn't "Oh my gosh, this is so amazing, I'm crying!", but rather, okay, we see the light now, we understand, we feel the need to change, so.... what am I gonna do about it?