So the AC is out in my apartment right now. I put in a maintenance request, but with it being the holiday weekend, they likely won't get to it until Tuesday. Meanwhile, Utah is as hot as ever, and we live on the 3rd floor. I have one fan, and was finally able to get my stuck bedroom window open. It's not so bad at night, but during the day it gets pretty hot. So what are my 4th of July plans, you ask? Find some place with AC. That is my top priority. That, and pray for rain.
As for today, I've spent most of it doing cleaning, lizard care and fish tank maintenance in as lightweight of clothing as I could manage. I got so wrapped up in those chores, that I didn't end up going to church as I should have. Still, I managed to have a fairly productive and spiritual Sunday, more so than I've had in a while. I fasted until I couldn't anymore due to dehydration, and I listened to conference talks through the whole process. So what gives?
First, I find it rather paradoxical when I think of how the Sabbath is termed "day of rest" on the one hand, and yet I've gotten more out of the Sabbath today keeping busy despite not even attending church. This is not written as an encouragement to others that "meh, you don't have to go to church, it's not big deal." I definitely missed out in not attending today. Rather, it is to say that many of our cultural assumptions about what it means to keep the Sabbath day holy are perhaps not as productive as we may think they are.
Fundamentally, the Sabbath is about physical/spiritual rest, renewal, and holiness, all of which is intended to point us towards our Savior. This day is the Lord's, and though we may technically "rest" on the Sabbath, if we do not put Him at the forefront of it, then it's not really keeping it holy. Such is certainly the case with me. After a long work week, I am tempted to rest by simply not doing anything. I'll go to church, then immediately come home to nap and/or goof off doing mindless things on the phone or computer. I could technically count this as physical or mental rest that I need, but it's still not keeping the Sabbath day holy, because none of that was really about the Lord. For that matter, it's not even a particularly healthy practice to indulge in all the time, and yet I often find myself doing that most evenings of the week after work. So in what way would it be keeping the Sabbath were I to essentially behave in the same way that I do during my weekdays' down time?
The idea of rest simply meaning to refrain from working or shopping on Sunday is incomplete. I remember many years ago in a previous apartment, a roommate of mine saw me doing a water change on my fish tank, and cheekily chastising me with: "are you doing chores on the Sabbath?" I think she was mostly joking, but the comment perplexed me all the same. I never saw it as a chore for one thing. I enjoy working on my fish tanks. Secondly, the alternative to that was, well, not doing it, and then letting my fish suffer for lack of proper care.
Ideally, we would have all our chores done before Sunday so as to avoid that dilemma, but such is not a luxury that I or many others have. Even back then, often I would come home mentally and physically exhausted, such that all I wanted to do was lay down and watch something, hence why it worked so much better to do those water changes on Sunday after church. At least this way, I was putting something important into a workable routine that would've otherwise been forgotten.
This is especially true now with how much more physically demanding my current job is, which is increasingly perpetuating the cycle of "I need to get X thing done at home, but I don't have it in me to do it right now, so I'll get to it tomorrow." Then, as these things pile up, increased depression and ADHD burn out set in. I don't know about you, but it is incredibly difficult for me to feel the Spirit, let alone get anything out of church when I'm in such a mindset. Such is where I was last week. Last Sunday was one of those days where it was not productive at all. Much of it had to do with how exhausted I was from an especially busy week leading up to that. This past week has been the same, and yet today has been much more spiritually productive despite not even making it to church. Why? Because I made better use of my time. I put forth the effort to get some of the chores done that I had put off for a while, and I made sure to tune into the Spirit throughout the process. I fasted, and I listened to a playlist of talks from Elder Oaks (more on that later).
In essence, being able to clean like this, being able to tackle the issues I wasn't able to handle before is my rest, it is my renewal. It lifts a burden off of my shoulders, and lets me feel refreshed once again. Likewise, isn't that the whole point of the Sabbath? Isn't that why we meet together, to speak of Christ and partake of His sacrament? I found it to be an interesting parallel in how the cleaning of my temporal things felt so closely analogous to the cleansing of my inner vessel. In both cases, I was making room for the Spirit to have place within my heart. It was making the Sabbath day holier for me, and thus making it easier for me to think about my Savior.
I suppose that's why getting up off of my butt like this has been beneficial to me. It's not what works for other people, no, but it works for me. When the Pharisees confronted Jesus about the healings He did, and His disciples picking corn on the Sabbath, He admonished that "it is lawful to do well on the sabbath days." For some people, that does mean just relaxing, reading scriptures, or putting on a good church movie. For me, that doesn't work, at least not for the duration of the whole day. Frankly, it just gets boring. I need to have something to do other else my ADHD brain will seek out dopamine rushes from electronic sources like games. Meanwhile, if I have something to do with my hands, particularly if getting it done means getting a sense of accomplishment afterwards, it makes me that much more receptive to the impressions of the Spirit. As such, putting in an earbud to listen to Elder Oaks while cleaned away was probably the best spiritual decision I've made within the past two weeks. Maybe I can't rest simply by literally resting... but I can rest in the sense that I can both temporally and spiritually clean out the clutter that's been building up throughout the week.
As for Elder Oaks' talks, I actually made a rather conscious choice in choosing to listen to his playlist today. There was some article I was reading a few days ago about the number of Mormon/LDS related series that have been coming out on streaming sights within the past year or so. I'm not sure what has prompted this sudden interest in all things controversial about my religion or those like unto it, but okay. Free publicity I suppose. This strangely seems to happen in cycles too. There was a similar interest when the Book of Mormon Musical came out. I've listened to that soundtrack, seen a little bit of Murder Among the Mormons (which was interesting), watched up to episode 5 of Under the Banner of Heaven (hated it, oh gosh I hated it, no I don't wanna finish it, please stop asking). I'm not really interested in watching the other two that have come out recently, not for the moment at least. Put simply, there are just other items in my life that demand more attention than these.
Anyway, this article was comparing Under the Banner of Heaven with Mormon No More. Specifically, it talked about how Mormon No More actually succeeded in capturing the "mormon experience" (as it put it), while UTBOH fell short of such (to put it mildly, IMO). Allegedly, it treated the subject matter with more compassion and humanity while still looking into the issues that members and former members of the LDS community face, specifically as it pertains those who are LGBT+. As an example of this point, it cited the show's inclusion of certain remarks from Elder Oaks about marriage and family, which was then further used to illustrate its assertion that the reason why many people join the church is because of its strong teachings about family.
This was... partly true, but also not. Absent from that was any mention of how many people choose to stay out of a strong, sincere faith and conviction towards the gospel...... which seems like a strange omission to make when you're talking about any religion. Part of that will include doctrines on the family, sure, and indeed many investigators are initially drawn to the church over that, but to treat this as an all inclusive answer.... it just doesn't work. That's not ultimately what converts people, or makes them stay, given that there are so many other doctrinal topics besides that. Granted, the show talks about the church in the context of competing values about sexuality and the family, so naturally this is the angle they and reviewers will focus on. But to say that this singular focus truly captures the essence of what it means to be LDS, or even ex-LDS for that matter, is misleading. It may be part of the picture, and it's worth talking about, but it is far from the whole.
As for Elder Oaks, he has definitely been outspoken about our beliefs on marriage and the family, namely that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, gender is an essential and eternal characteristic, and that same-sex relationships (sexual/romantic) are not condoned by God. Obviously, this has drawn the ire from members of the LGBT+ community and allies. I also confess that there have been moments where I've squirmed uncomfortably in my seat while listening to such talks, or wished that he could talk about something else.... at best because I knew the social media storm that would follow, and that some LDS members would use it as an excuse to be cruel in the name of politics (the latter being particularly infuriating). So Elder Oaks isn't usually my first choice in picking a conference talk to listen to.
Even so, I recognize that there is more to him than that, and that even if one may strongly disagree with him on marriage, I believe that he is an otherwise generally good man. I actually met him once as a teenager when he came to Michigan to call our new Stake President. It was a pleasant, albeit brief, experience.
I remember a time in one of my introductory level Bio classes at BYU when the subject of the church's position on evolution inevitably came up. At present, the church has no official position on it one way or the other, but historically many prominent leaders were not friendly towards the idea, and much to the dismay of several other prominent leaders who were, their ideas went on to have a greater influence on church culture. Joseph Fielding Smith, and Bruce R. McConkie were key among these influences, publishing books containing such opinions, among other things, not only without authorization but against the express wishes of the prophet at the time. Bruce R. McConkie's book, Mormon Doctrine, remains especially controversial to this day, its anti-evolutionary stance being only one among several big problems contained therein.
Hindsight is 20/20, and things like Mormon Doctrine are not nearly as well liked now by members of the church as they once were. That book has caused us no small grief in the way it confused members, investigators and critics alike, even back then. For younger Latter-Day Saints, especially an intellectual, pro-evolution, occasional-apologist like me, it's easy to resent Elder McConkie for the fallout his book left behind. Yet just as we finished discussing this aspect of him, Professor Byron then quickly turned around in his defense. It wasn't an simply, obligatory, insincere rehearsal of "remember that prophets and apostles are human, blah blah blah."
No. What he told us was that for all the damage Mormon Doctrine caused, and for how strongly they disagreed on evolution, he would not hear the class trash talk him...... because Elder McConkie was the reason why he had a testimony of Jesus Christ, which played a pivotal role in his conversion to the gospel.
Bruce R. McConkie, for all his faults, for all his strange opinions and interpretations on various gospel topics, could never be said to not believe in Christ. Above all else, he was a firm, unwavering witness of Him, and that witness has left a greater impact on us than anything else he's done. These two things, the good, and the bad, all existed within the same person. To remember only the things he did wrong would not only be inaccurate... it would also be doing us a disservice. Multiple things can be true at once.
Likewise it is so with Elder Oaks. I found myself pleasantly surprised at the positives I found from listening to his talks, most notably in how he emphasizes the need to love and respect one another, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, political persuasion, etc. In times where our beliefs come in direct conflict with how someone else lives their life, "we can disagree without being disagreeable," he says. We are to speak what we hold to be true, but we are not to be brash, and we are not to be contentious. We are not to be unkind, we are not to be bullies, we are not to be abusers, and we are not to be tyrants. We are especially not to ostracize friends or family members simply because they choose to believe/live differently than we do.
This idea has taken as prominent a role in his talks as have marriage and family, because foundational to it are our civic duties as citizens of a free society, and more importantly our duties as disciples of Jesus Christ. To recognize this is to recognize something important about his character-- his emphasis on this kind of civility comes from both his experience as a Utah Supreme Court justice, and as an Apostle. Both of these experiences informs his current outlook on life. He would be remiss in speaking from either of those capacities if he did not impress upon us our sacred obligation to walk kindly one with another.
And at the heart of that is this conviction: that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer, of whom Elder Oaks' testifies. His duty as a disciple of Christ is one he takes seriously. To truly be His disciples is to keep His commandments, and love one another. This is the message that he wants us to learn: that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the life, and to walk as He did is to come closer to God. Jesus Christ is the way through which all mankind may be redeemed, and may return to God's presence. Again, Jesus Christ is ultimately at the center of all this messaging.
Does this necessarily excuse his words against same-sex marriage, assuming he is wrong on that? Perhaps not. Nor does it undo the pain he's caused those within that community, whether he speaks the truth or not. I also want to make it clear that, although I do believe in the Family Proclamation, the pain experienced by those who are LGBT+ is real, that they deserve our empathy, and that we as a church need to be better about this. We don't need to wholesale abandon what we believe, but we don't need to be jerks about it either. We ought to be not only loving, but also humble and teachable. I do not believe that all that there is to know about this subject has been revealed yet. Regardless, this is an understandably sensitive subject. I've sadly had to learn the hard way that it is far better to approach it with care and humility rather than with some brash, martyrdom complex.
But despite that reality, to focus on this aspect of him at the exclusion of all else would be to cheat yourself of a more complete picture... as I would have done had I not listened to hours of his conference talks today. The inadequacy with which the article reviewing Mormon No More characterized the experience of what it is to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was ultimately what drove me to listen to Elder Oaks, and I'm glad I did.
Our beliefs on marriage and family are indeed a part of us. They are a part of what draws people in, and conversely what may drive others away. The way in which these beliefs bring us in conflict with the rest of the world, and whether we handle that well or not, is also a part of us. But they are only one part of us. They alone, do not adequately define what it means to be us. There is so much more to it than that.
If I were to give one, succinct answer as to what it means for me to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it would be this: it is to be converted to the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ... to have had a witness from the Holy Ghost testify to you that Jesus Christ lives, is our Redeemer, and that God is our Eternal Father, who has a Plan of Happiness for us. This experience, our witness, our faith, runs deep in what say, think, or act (usually), for it is the core part of who we are. Though we each may come from vastly different backgrounds, have differing opinions, or politics... ultimately, we are united, or strive to be, in our testimony of Jesus Christ. We aim to live our lives according to His teachings, and continually seek revelation from His hand both personally through prayer, and collectively through our prophet. We, like everyone else, are a flawed people that are still learning, growing and adapting. Some of us have even been monsters. However, as we try to be better in this, we will share with enthusiasm and conviction the things we believe to be true, because we want others to partake of the same goodness as we have. Still, we know that they are free to choose whether to accept that message or not; our goal is to love and serve them regardless. As we continue to work to afford others the respect and courtesy they deserve, we also ask that we be afforded the same courtesy, because fundamentally... though we may believe differently than most of the world, we are still otherwise normal people simply trying to live normal lives.
That is who we are.
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