HA HA! I made you click on my blog! Now you have to read it! Neener neener neener!
Wait no, don't leave! This is a highly informative post! Please! The fate of humanity may depend on it!
SERIOUSLY!!!
It all starts with a basic vocabulary lesson. Today's word is: Clickbait
Clickbait
noun
Pronunciation: uhhh... "click" plus "bait"... you know like Shark-bait from Finding Nemo, but with click instead of shark, and way less cute. Say it with me: clickbait clickbait clickbait clickbait...
Okay stay focused!
Definitions:
-That which is intended to get lots of people to click on it by means of catchy though often misleading titles.
-At best, a casual source of entertainment on the internet.
-At worst, people's sources of information during the 2016 election.
-That which still somehow continues to inform said people and thus clog my newsfeed even after the election is over!
-Literally the thing that made you click on this blog post!!!
Also known as:
-the tabloids of the internet
-a questionable source for information
-the bane of all respectable, honest journalism, and yet is somehow becoming more of an acceptable way to report things.
-Facebook's acne
-Twitter's bad breath
-Instagram's boogers
-Pinterest's armpit
-Do I need to continue?
Antonyms:
-A scholarly source
-A Primary Source
-A Secondary Source
-Any kind of reliable source!!!
How to identify:
-Has some kind of attention grabbing, sensational and/or inflammatory headline that is meant to prey on your prejudices like some psychedelic jelly fish zapping its prey's brains into mush with its tentacles of doom. Don't worry it's a humane death, because the victim thinks its on a roller coaster ride to Narnia the entire time.
-It may also be accompanied by some equally attention grabbing picture that's probably stolen or photoshopped. At best it's just a stock photo that doesn't have anything to do with what you're going to read about. Examples include a baby crying, Hogwarts exploding, a cat with two heads, liberals laughing maniacally, republicans sacrificing puppies, or Donald Trump with his hair on fire. Or this dolphin photo that I actually just pulled off of a wikipedia page (don't worry it was labeled for reuse). The possibilities are endless!
(fun fact about this: apparently this is a military dolphin. I guess training dolphins for tactical military purposes is a thing. Huh. I didn't know that before I found this picture. We're learning two things today guys!)
But wait, what if I already clicked on it because it looked legit?
-If you're reading it and common sense is telling you that something's not right with what they're saying... it was probably click bait.
-If there is a very clear bias to it that only plays on people's fear or anger... it was probably click bait.
-If it is full of advertisements featuring secret beauty tips, scantily clad humans, or "nature's" cure to cancer... it was probably click bait.
-Or if you were suddenly barraged with any number of unwanted pop ups that potentially downloaded some kind of virus to your device before you could close out of them... it was probably click bait.
Understand so far? Now, are there ever times where click bait is ok? Yes!
Proper uses of clickbait include:
-Funny cat videos
-Humorous entertainment
-Satirical venues like the Onion, or this blog post.
-That which doesn't spam with porn or viruses
Improper uses of clickbait:
-Political commentary
-Current events
-A reliable source of information (see antonyms)
Okay, we're all on the same page now, right? We're going to be more responsible with clickbait now right? Right?
Please?
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