I made a post about the Brock Turner incident a while ago, so those of you who have read it know that I absolutely believe that sexual assault in any form is wrong, and those who commit such ought to be held accountable, not given a slap on the wrist.
I also believe that we ought to forgive one another, even when the crimes are horrifying. Does that mean the perpetrator becomes the victim, or that we're saying what they did is no big deal? No. Not in the least. Murder is still murder, rape is still rape. Forgiveness is letting go. Forgiveness is putting enmity aside. Forgiveness is finally allowing yourself to be at peace.
This evening I saw a story about a young man charged with voyeurism at BYU-Idaho. I saw it through a friend's comment on BYU-I Scroll's facebook page.
When I read through those comments, I saw something I would never have expected. The victims of the man's actions had forgiven him, including his ex-fiance. You can read her comment here. They forgave him freely and completely. Now, they are encouraging others to do the same.
Would I have been able to do that? I don't know. Probably not. But the example of those women will stick with me forever.
There are many reasons to be angry in this world, and many of them are totally valid, but can we also temper that anger by remembering that we are all brothers and sisters... even to those who hurt us, or sit behind bars or on tyrannical thrones?
What was unfortunate to me while reading other comments on that thread wasn't the anger directed towards the young man, but the anger that was directed towards those young women who asked that we be kind and forgive. For one thing, I think the last thing these victims need is further abuse in the form of cyber harassment. Secondly, I think those comments missed the point entirely. Not that I don't see where they are coming from, but as I read them I couldn't help but think about all the times we see stories of forgiveness, change, hope, and/or rehabilitation from sources like Upworthy, BuzzFeed, NowThis, tumblr, iwastesomuchtime, youtube, some random facebook page, etc. Each time we probably hit like/share, say wow, and pat ourselves on the back. But confront this in real life, and suddenly we forget.
So I made this comment, and I share it here:
Once upon a time, I stumbled across this picture below, that was shared over and over again. I never checked to see if it was genuine, but it's powerful nonetheless. People would comment "beautiful" or "we could learn so much from this tribe" because the idea of rehabilitating criminals with such an attitude seems so much more effective than our highly punitive system. Additionally, we may see videos or stories on our newsfeed about how a person went to jail for a heinous crime, but their victims freely forgave them. In fact, very recently I saw one about a mother whose son was shot and killed by another teen trying to be accepted into a local gang. She could have easily been mad and vengeful. But she wasn't. She visited the shooter in jail, talked to him when no one else would, and helped him get back on his feet and become a productive member of society when he got parole. The comments to this video were the same. "Wow, this is powerful!"
And as this is a BYU-I thread, I'm sure most readers are also familiar with the story of Joseph Smith freely forgiving W. W. Phelps, who betrayed members of the church in such a way as to drive them from their homes and put their lives in danger. We also cherish the words "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Again, our reactions to these stories are largely the same. "Wow, this is a great lesson."
Yet, when we see a real life, modern example of forgiveness right in front of our eyes, we bare our teeth and balk at the fact that these women were able to so freely and *publicly* forgive this man. We accuse them of promoting rape culture. We accuse them of belittling sexual assault victims. We tell them that they are wrong, that they are stupid, that they don't know what they are talking about. But they have not any of those things. They never said that what he did was okay. They never said that he shouldn't go to jail. They never said he should receive a light sentence. They simply asked that we find it in our hearts to forgive him as well. Forgiveness never meant giving people a free pass or slap on the wrist. It simply means letting go of our enmity, and continuing to see the other as the child of God he/she is. That is the true path towards healing. Truly, I am amazed that these women were able to sincerely forgive so quickly. I don't think I would have been able to do that.
That being said, I want to emphasize that it's okay to be angry. It's okay to be hurt. What this man did was unequivocally wrong, and he must face the consequences for it. I do not wish to minimize the experiences of sexual assault victims everywhere. My heart aches and goes out to them. When Brock Turner received his light sentence of a mere three months, I was furious. There was no excuse for his actions, and well, frankly I don't think there's much excuse for this man's actions either, even if he suffered anxiety and depression. There's no evidence as yet that he suffered so much that he suddenly couldn't tell right from wrong anymore.
Even then, however, we need to remember that when these heinous acts are committed, more than infuriating, frustrating and horrifying they are, they are SAD. Sad because such a bright child of light is suddenly squandering their potential for pleasure, and worse, hurting other people in the process. How must our Father in Heaven weep as He watches His children choose darkness rather than light! How must He beg and beg that they forsake evil and come back to Him, lest they face judgment eternal?
I am mad and sad that individuals like Brock Turner and this man chose to do something so vile and dark as this. I am sad for the men they were and could have been instead. And as I am sad for that wasted potential, I also sincerely hope that one day, they and other sex offenders will one day truly repent of their actions.
Perhaps, more than anything else, this is one of the hardest lessons in Christlike love that any disciple of His must learn. We can and should always love the victim. That is noble and charitable.
But can we also love the the perpetrator?
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